In Sickness and In Health

A Journey of Self-Commitment and Quantum Healing

By Dr. Rachel Hill

We often hear the vow, "in sickness and in health," exchanged between partners on their wedding day, signifying an unwavering commitment to stand by each other through life's inevitable challenges.

This profound promise speaks to a deep bond and a shared journey.

Yet, what happens when we turn this lens inward, applying the same commitment to ourselves?

This is a question that recently resonated deeply with me, prompting a re-evaluation of my personal relationship with health and illness.

As a single person, I have come to realize that I am essentially committed to myself.

My body is my primary partner in this life, the vessel through which I experience every joy, every sorrow, and every purpose.

For years, however, I treated this partnership more like a strict contract than a loving union.

My response to falling ill was often rooted in self-blame.

A cold, a flu, or any physical discomfort would trigger an internal inquest: "What did I do wrong? What did I eat, drink, or fail to do?"

This line of questioning, while seemingly aimed at prevention, often led to a cycle of guilt and a feeling of personal failure.

The Shadow of Perfectionism

Even the joyous, slobbery kisses from my grandchildren, which I cherish, would sometimes lead to an internal struggle when illness followed.

I love their little snotty faces and the uninhibited way they share their affection.

That has never bothered me, but when I would inevitably catch whatever bug they were carrying, I used to wonder where I had failed.

Why wasn't my immune system "perfect"?

This perspective was, in part, shaped by early religious teachings.

Growing up in a religious family, I heard mixed reviews from the Bible on how illness befalls a person.

There was often an underlying narrative that someone had to have sinned to experience unwellness.

This "moralizing" of health creates a heavy burden.

While I do believe that the thoughts we harbor in our bodies can influence our immune systems, it is a dangerous leap to equate illness with a lack of spiritual or personal integrity.

We must take responsibility for our current state of health, yes, but we must do so with the same grace we would offer a beloved partner.

The "Strawberry Patch" Wake-Up Call

My journey towards a more compassionate self-commitment took an unexpected turn recently.

After receiving a glowing bill of health from my doctor—a picture of perfect health, save for a minuscule cholesterol blip—I felt a sense of accomplishment.

My cholesterol was "coming in hot" at 100 instead of 99, but with my good cholesterol in the 70s, I decided I could let that go easily.

I was the picture of health.

And then, God provided a lesson in humility.

I had an allergic reaction to new facial products I purchased for my self-care.

They were good products, and I enjoyed them for a week, but they didn't like me.

I was so happy about my new regimen that I ignored the little tingles here and there, not realizing they were signs my skin was trying to communicate with me.

I thought it was just the product "making its presence known," like the sting of aftershave.

Embracing Trust Over Fear

Within days, my face looked like a "strawberry patch quilt."

In the past, this might have sent me down a spiral of fear and anxiety about lasting scars or disfigurement.

I would have gone "dark," worrying about my appearance for the rest of my life.

This time, however, something shifted.

Instead of succumbing to fear, I found myself embracing a profound sense of trust. I began to get curious.

This experience became a powerful catalyst for introspection.

I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered, "Can I love that face right before me, even if no other people would ever call me beautiful again?"

It was a sobering question.

I could make excuses that since I am older, beauty doesn't matter as much, but that would only be a partial truth.

We all want to feel seen and appreciated.

Beauty vs. Purpose

However, I had a practical challenge: I was scheduled to record two podcasts this weekend.

Would I try to explain why I looked the way I did? Would I hide?

This led me to a deeper realization: How attached am I to this face versus the purpose I have in bringing wellness to the world?

Would people see my face and turn away, think me a fraud, blah, blah, blah.

I decided that I didn’t care that much. Whoever shows up to my party, is who shows up to my party.

Party on Garth!!!!

This exploration was invigorating. It shifted my focus from the discomfort of a stiff, flaking face to a deeper understanding of my values.

The Neutrality of Health

Illness is not good or bad. Health is not good or bad.

I have seen people with terminal illness make me feel like I wish I could transplant their light... and I have seen perfectly healthy people act like complete assholes.

Our state of health, in itself, is neutral; it's our response to it that defines our experience.

Even as I took prednisone to manage the inflammation—a pragmatic choice for a holistic practitioner—there was no self-shame.

True wellness is about using all the tools in the shed, both holistic and allopathic, without judgment.

Noticing and Thanking

This perspective aligns beautifully with the principles of quantum healing, particularly the practice of "noticing and thanking."

In my lessons, we learn that resistance creates persistence. When we fight a condition, we give it more energy.

Instead, we are taught to:

1. Notice: Acknowledge the condition without labeling it as "bad."
2. Thank: Express gratitude for the message it is bringing or the opportunity for growth.
3. Release: Let go of the attachment to the outcome.

This act of non-judgmental acknowledgment and gratitude creates a space for higher vibrations.

In the quantum realm, everything is frequency.

When we shift from the low vibration of fear and shame to the high vibration of gratitude, we change the frequency of the situation itself.

This is where real miracles happen.

Walking by Faith, Not by Sight

As I prepare for my podcast recordings this weekend, my face still recovering, I've chosen not to postpone them.

I walk by faith, not by sight.

I am sure that somewhere in my body, I have a permanent understanding of how to heal the tissue on my face through all those modalities that haven't failed me before.

My commitment now extends beyond just being with myself "in sickness and in health"; it encompasses loving myself unconditionally through every phase and experience.

This journey has affirmed that I deserve this profound self-commitment, for all that my body has done and continues to do for me.

Whether my face is clear or "strawberry-patched," my light remains the same.

And that is the ultimate health.

Key Takeaways for Your Own Journey

• Audit Your Internal Dialogue: Shift from "Why is this happening?" to "What is this teaching me?"
• Embrace the "Both/And": There is no "purity test" for wellness. Use all the tools available.
• Practice Noticing and Thanking: Thank your body for communicating with you.
• Detach Identity from Appearance: Your purpose is far greater than your physical vessel.

--Dr. Rachel